Dear Sharideth, How do I move on from a bad break up?

dianearbus

Okay, this one was long so I’m going to give you guys the bullet points.

  • High school sweethearts
  • He figured they’d get married
  • Ended up at the same college
  • Moved in together
  • She got restless
  • She started staying out and not telling him where she was or who she was with
  • Things went to hell
  • She found someone else
  • Vicious breakup
  • He’s devastated

Here’s the rest from his email:

Seven months have passed since then. I’m finding it hard to completely get over her. Especially now that I’ve met this girl that I really like. I haven’t spoken to another girl in such a manner in years. I don’t know how to speak to her or even let her know that I like her. It’s obvious to me and everyone I know that she likes me. But I’m just still mind fucked from my previous relationship that I don’t know how to start a new one. This girl also has a boyfriend but has been considering breaking up with him for awhile. I would appreciate it if you could give me any advice on getting over my ex. I would be grateful for advice on how to win the heart of the new girl I wish to be with. Most of all, I am thankful for your time.

Sincerely,

Busted

Dear Busted,

You are not going to like my answer. I’m not going to tell you how to win the heart of the new girl. The new girl can go screw herself. If she’s stringing her boyfriend along while she’s chumming the waters for someone else, then she’s not for you.

Why?

Because she is your ex-girlfriend, only with a different face. And you, my friend, are the “someone else” she found while still in a committed relationship, making her boyfriend…are you ready for this…YOU as you were when your ex cheated on you and strung you along.

Are you following me?

No?

Let me put it like this…

You are trading one unfaithful girl for another. By doing so, you are putting some poor schmuck through the same thing that just happened to you. Don’t be that guy.

I know you’re still hung up on your ex so I want you do something.

Get angry at her. Let yourself be furious at what she put you through. Let the anger burn the remnants of what you feel for her down to ash, dust yourself off and move on. Anger is a tool. It is meant to be short-lived. Let it do its job.

Then go find yourself a nice, UNATTACHED girl and start clean.

Oh so sincerely,

Sharideth

If you’re going through a bad break up right now, here’s some help:

There’s Nothing Worse Than a Bad Break Up

What else would you say to our friend?

About these ads

5 comments on “Dear Sharideth, How do I move on from a bad break up?

  1. Advice Sage says:

    I’d agree that you’re just doing to some other guy what has recently been done to you. And you know how much it hurts, so don’t be that asshole.

    Also she’s been considering breaking up with him for a while? Umm… nope sorry. If it’s really not working and she was a decent kinda gal then she’d finish it and move on, but it sounds to me like she’s stringing him along until something better comes along. Not the kind of girl who is going to help you get over your broken heart.

    The worst break up I ever went through was down to me thinking “He’s the one” and him not being nearly so emotionally attached and moving on without a backward glance when it suited him. Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it. I was so hurt it was a full 4 years before I trusted anyone with my feelings again enough to try a relationship with them. I don’t recommend you wait 4 years, so instead try Sharideth’s suggestion of using the anger to burn your feelings away and then you can move on and find a girl who deserves you.

    Good luck.

  2. JBen says:

    Nailed it. Giving permission to be angry and hurt. Well played and well said, Sharideth.

    • Soul Walker says:

      JBen,

      I have always wondered why that was so important. I instinctively knew it was true but could not really ever grasp why. The idea she mentioned about the anger burning away things seems like it might be a good start of an explanation.

      -Soul Walker

  3. My advice is to not listen to Bruno Mars. I give that advice to many people, but now I finally have a reason. That man (Mars) has some serious issues, really bad taste, and the inability to follow up advice he would give to others. In the last case, he somewhat resembles Busted. You, Sharideth, did a wonderful job unraveling the new girl situation and showing how what Busted is doing does not reflect anyone’s interests, in the least his own. I do wonder, however, if the new girl is really a new face on an old problem. From the bullet points I didn’t get that the ex was unfaithful until we found out. Because she has a boyfriend, she is a no-go, but after a relationship that lasted for so long, won’t every girl ever (even the perfect one that is unattached and cute) be a replacement at first? Don’t we all compare to former relationships when we start a new one?

  4. suddencheese says:

    second try leaving a comment…

    I’d just like to add a little note to men and women who are between relationships. Don’t, do NOT, jump from one man/woman to another. Not only, like you say, do you usualy end up with the same time of person you left because it’s what you recognize and (oddly enough) feel comfortable with and therefore it’s what you’ll be attracted to in the wink of an eye.
    Give yourself time. Sit down. Have patience. Wait until you can laugh and desire again.
    But just jumping from one bad relationship to another without thinking is a bit like coming in from the winter cold with freezing hands and trying to run lukewarm water over your hands from a tap. That’s right, you have no idea what’s cold or hot.
    Find yourself, or you can’t offer yourself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s