The Case Against Matt Forney

Ya know, I tend to just ignore what I don’t like on the internet and move on because I’m all about happiness and good times and not completely losing my shit.

But this particular little something special has been brought to my attention several times and I should probably address it? Explain it? Stab it to death? Guess we’ll just have to see.

If you don’t know what the Manosphere is, my friend Joy Bennett will ‘splain it to you with the best definition I’ve heard yet:

“Allow me to introduce you to ‘The Manosphere’. They hate women with a passion except that they also want to fuck them.”

That pretty much sums it up. They like to write blogs with delightful titles like “It’s Fat Girl Shaming Month!” and “I Love My Dick and So Can You!” Okay, so I made that second one up, but it’s the subtext of everything these man-children write. I’ve read plenty of it. People send me links all the time but I never post them here or rebut them directly because I don’t want to send traffic their way.

I changed my mind this time.

The Manosphere is full of misogynists and Matt Forney is their king.

His post:

The Case Against Female Self-Esteem

is the reason I’m writing today.

It’s not just Forney, it’s how many are agreeing with him in the comments section. You see, Matt believes “The idea that women should have self-esteem or need it, beyond a low baseline to ensure they don’t commit suicide or become psycho stalkers, is one of the most disastrous social engineering experiments of the modern era.”

In other news, he says strong women deflate his dick.

And I’m sure that^^^^^ is absolutely true.

Forney also seems to believe that strength and vulnerability are mutually exclusive. Probably because he defines “vulnerability” as being susceptible to him and fearful of his rejection.

Weird. Now that I think about it, that almost sounds like the definition of victim not vulnerable. And by “almost” I mean “absolutely”.

I have to admit it’s been a struggle to gather my thoughts after my head exploded from reading Forney’s piece so I’m going use bullet points to organize my response.

Also, to take the edge off of wanting to use actual bullets.

  • REAL MEN LIKE STRONG WOMEN – Cliche´? Duh. Of course it is. Doesn’t make it any less true though. When I met my husband, my insecurity nob went to 11. I was vulnerable in the way that makes Forney all tingly. But my man, Craig, wasn’t having any of it. He taught me to be strong. To look people in the eye. To say no. Even if that no was directed at him. He’s proud of the Forney-dick-deflating woman I’ve become. Because he’s a real man. Boys like Forney and his sticky minions, who want women insecure and afraid, are cowards. They can’t fathom happiness with a strong woman because they think it will make them weaker than they already are. They subjugate out of fear of being subjugated.
  • STRENGTH AND VULNERABILITY ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE – A woman can be strong while still being open and trusting. I see it all the time. Just because she’s willing to take a bite out of your ass if you cross her, doesn’t mean there’s no softness or concern for others or willingness to concede when she’s the wrong one. A man who recognizes that knows the real prize is in partnership. It’s in being with a woman who is strong enough to hold him up when he’s weak and soft enough or “vulnerable” enough to not make him feel like less of a man for leaning on her.

What Forney and the rest of the Astroglide-of-the-month club are missing is that a strong woman is a real man’s biggest fan and advocate. She makes him feel invincible not because he’s dominating her but because she’s supporting him.

I realize all of this will have exactly zero effect on those in the Manosphere. The toolbox who wrote the Fat Girl post will probably grab a tube sock and go back to the big girl porn under his bed.

Yeah. I said that.

And Forney? Who knows. I honestly don’t care.

What I do care about, what I have always cared about here at AWGTW is healthy relationship. I want strong, loving, reasonable men to choose strong, loving, reasonable women. I want mutual respect. I want matching rocking chairs when you’re 80. I want those who are into ren faires to find each other, share a turkey leg and make awkward family photos I can enjoy on the internet.

I don’t want women to be afraid. To be used. To be insecure. To be victimized by the likes of Matt Forney.

And neither should you.

I have no intention of becoming the internet police. Because exhausting. And annoying. And exhausting. But in this case, I had to say something. Women who are insecure and vulnerable need champions not predators. Let me be very clear. Men who pursue women who are weaker than they are, who they can mold and manipulate into their twisted version of womanhood, are predators. Not the apex kind. The “To Catch A” kind. A champion is a man who sees a woman who is his equal and THAT is what excites him. The challenge. The knowing he will never be bored. The understanding that she is only going to make him stronger.

Okay. I’m done now.

What say you?

Related:

Miss Insecurity

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19 comments on “The Case Against Matt Forney

  1. Mindy says:

    Well said my strong friend!!

  2. robertdyson says:

    1. The Manosphere IS mysogynistic.
    2. Vulnerability is a strength and the single best indicator of courage (see Brene Brown’s TED talk on Vulnerability)
    3. Matt Forney is only in his early 20’s. Admittedly, that should be old enough to know better, but still pretty immature.

  3. Jennifer says:

    Amen, sister! These men are perps, plain and simple.

  4. wow. I’m shocked by how many people posted comments agreeing with that idiot.

    I couldn’t agree more with your points, real men do like strong women, and strength and vulnerability are not mutually exclusive, they actually go together really well.

  5. Just so you know, I read your bullet points in a sweeping rhythm, gaining speed and momentum as I shouted ‘yeah!’ after every sentence, while beating the drum of your truth with my cute, manly fists. I hadn’t heard of the boys that would be your nemesis (or you would be theirs, probably), but I know their target audience: insecure little men that fight their own insecurity with the bullying of others.

  6. Beth says:

    Jaw hitting desk – is this guy for real?

  7. Great. A bunch of Norman Bates style sad and pathetic men who have never had a girlfriend, led by a pubescent boy whose Mum said no one too many times. What is wrong with these idiots? Its as ridiculous as racism or homophobia. Grow a pair and stop hiding behind your stupid ass man blog!

  8. JR says:

    I like that he made the concession that perhaps women with STEM majors in STEM careers can legitimately have some self esteem. I have a STEM degree and work in a STEM career…I’m rapidly learning not to be insecure and I think he’s terribly confused. Heh. Women deserve respect because they are HUMANS and men deserve respect because they are HUMANS. End of story. Made in the image of God? Respect.

  9. The snarky part of me would like to turn the tables…. I mean who hasn’t enjoyed giving a boy like this a taste of his own medicine? Uber aggressive-treat him like meat past its sell by date… they don’t like it very much at all in spite of their dick claims and it can be kind of entertaining. Of course then we are no better then them… blegh

  10. cartoline says:

    guys like Forney can really write blogs and have followers – wow, that’s something new! I googled this guy, because it’s really tough to believe that he actually has followers. like a bad joke!

    love your blog and the way you write! :)

  11. Max says:

    Just curious about the stability and longevity of your relationships, particularily with men? It seems there are reactions/issues from Matt and you.

    • I’ve been married 21 years and we still like each other. We go out on dates and try to kill each other shooting pool. We like auto shows and long walks on the beach. I was 20 when we got married. Prior to that, I dated a guy for a year when I was 16 which is, like, 7 in teen years.

  12. joshmyself says:

    Nicely written, and I absolutely agree. When he talks about real men, what he is kind of talking about is weak men. and by “kind of” I mean “absolutely”. ;-)
    (Weak emotionally, and terribly insecure.)

    Strength in vulnerability is something I find is seriously attractive, and highly valuable in building real and grounded relationships, (both romantical and general friendships). Cheers

  13. […] The Case Against Matt Forney (sharideth.com) […]

  14. […] The Case Against Matt Forney. A great post about how shaming women only hurts men in the long term. Best quote: […]

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